Isso resume o meu dia.
"Hi, Donna, this is Natasha, the au pair for the Flammia family, in
Miller Place. I'm writing this e-mail because I'm really sad right now.
As you know, I took care of the three of them tonight for the first
time. I thought it was going to be tough, but was very easy. I made them
dinner (Gianna helped me), we all watched tv together, and had fun.
Gianna started to look sleepy and some time later wanted to go to bed,
upstairs, and the girls didn't want to come. I went upstairs with her
and left the girls watching tv, and always was going downstairs to try
to bring them upstairs, but they didn't want to. When they got home,
Wendy told me that I should had let them all together, I apologized and
ok, I was getting some bottles off of the floor and bringing to the
kitchen, when Anthony said "good night, see you tomorrow" (or
something), and I wished a good night to him to. I was just throwing the
things on the garbage and was going back to the room to talk to the
girls, when I heard Wendy saying something like "good night, girls, was
great to spend the night with you", and then saying something about me
thinking that the girls (the twins, I guess) are pieces of shit that can
be ignored. I told her I was going back to talk to the girls, she said
an ironic "yeah" and went upstairs. I was so shocked that I didn't know
what to do or say. Just said a "good night, girls", hugged Gabby and
Gianna, and went back to the kitchen.
This is not the first time Wendy say things that hurt my feelings. In
the first week, when we were talking, she told me that she didn't care
if I was going to leave, or whatever, because of what happened with
their last au pair. That really, really made me feel that I am nothing. I
mean, I know I'm not the greatest au pair ever, I know I have many
flaws, that I don't do things perfectly, but I am really, really, really
trying my best. Earlier, when I was trying to give the girls a shower,
they didn't want to come... I know I could have invented some song about
shower (like Wendy told me after), but, I mean, like I said, I am not
perfect, and I was concerned about not getting them showered before they
leave (what really happened, just Gabby took a shower).
I do have fun with the girls, I love to work with them, and of course
there are some moments that are complicated - just as with any other
children-. I really love the twins, they are great, but there are some
moments that I just don't know how to act. Seems like everything I do is
wrong! If I am trying to talk to them kindly, they don't listen. If I
try to talk to them like I am in charge, they don't listen eighter. And I
don't know exactly what times I should be more kindly or more "I am in
charge", that's what I told Wendy today. And seems like I am doing
everything wrong, all the time.
Well, I am different now, much more sentimental... Maybe because I'm in a
different country, living away from my family, speaking a new language.
Right now I am crying because I feel that I am a terrible au pair, that
the girls hate me and that Wendy and Anthony are going to ask for a
replacement, I won't get another family and I'll go back to Brazil next
week or something. I wasn't like this, I never had that kind of
feelings, I've always been an upbeat, optimistic, cheerful person all
the time. But now, when she say something like that to me, the only
thing that I can do is start crying. And I hate to do that, that makes
me feel even worst, makes me feel like I am a weak person that can't do
anything.
And that's all. Probably I'll regret writing this later... or maybe not.
You asked me if I had any complaint yesterday and I didn't, so I'm
doing it right now. I know that they talk to you when I do something
they don't like, so I am doing the same.
Sorry for the confusing e-mail, I hope it's not too crazy and you can understand what I wrote. Have a good night.
"
